I was left out on the street
Carlisle found and then sired me
My skin turned ashen as I lost body heat
Didn’t think I was going to survive
The pain was madness – it happened so slow
But soon I was then a Cullen
I wanted Edward, but that dick told me “no,”
Because that boy simply has no sex drive.
For my, iron vagina,
It’s a mortal’s delight
Oh the pleasure, to do a vampire,
Oh well, now I have Emmett
And we’re at it all night
So screw you, Edward, you will never have…
My iron vagina…
I took a fancy to Edward
But unlike all other guys, he wasn’t a fan
He refused me at every flirt!
Oh my, iron vagina
Did not woo him as planned
Instead he came to Alaska to be emo
To think our sex could be so
Dazzletastic and rad
But instead I’m a succubus?!
With an iron vagina…
Ed caught a whiff, now he stalks me.
I guess I don’t mind, since he’s my sparkly-poo.
Not to mention he seems to prefer
Yes, my human vagina.
It’s all squishy and warm
None of that stone cold vampslutty nonsense!
But if he doesn’t hurry up I’ll resort to chloroform
Since he seems to have a phobia
Of all vaginas…
