Which Twilight Boy is Gay?

Yeah...
They're ice...and fire
Werewolf...vampire
But sorry to dismay
One Twilight boy is gay

Now Mike Newton is
A freak, we know this
Eric Yorkie too
And Jasper and his hairdo

Tell me who: Ain't saying that it's Charlie
Tell me who: ain't saying that it's Billy
Tell me who: I will never admit
Who'd coming outta the closet

Emmett we're debating
Is he overcompensating?
And I don't mean to offend
Jake really is "man's best friend"

Tell me who? Ain't saying it's Sam Uley
Tell me who? Maybe it is Quil or Embry?
Tell me who? Who are we gonna frown upon?
Who's gay as Zac Efron?

What kind of straight guy has glittering skin
That dazzles in the sun?
(Yeah)
And I think we all know that those LaPush boys
Have hot homo doggy fun.

Werewolf..or vampire?
Ask Stephenie Meyer
Won't say
Won't say
Won't say
Okay!

It's Jacob Black!

He's so misunderstood!
He's number one on Team Edward!
Bella was just a smokescreen
Jacob Black is the Forks Queen

Jake gets distracted by his own reflection
He's attracted to his own perfection
What more can we really say?
Jacob swings that way.

Why is Lolly so mean to poor Jake?
One day she is gonna get staked
Seriously, he's gonna have revenge
As soon as he's done with gay sexy time.

Coz he...imprinted...on...a guy...

The Cullen Crust

I know you want,
To get sexy.
I've tried to explain,
Why you can't sleep with me.
But you're so stubborn,
In your human youth.
So I've decided it's time that I
Tell you the truth

(And it goes on and on and on and on...)

I've got the Cullen Crust.
That's why I can not yet thrust.
Don't wanna infect you.
Emmett's got it too.
Alice was just spared
Coz she made Jasper wear...a condom...

I thought I was cured
Of Fangorrhea.
I put my ointments on Edward Jr. every day to fix
Draclamydia.
But it didn't help
That one last VD.
And now I'm sorry my Bella that's what I can't
Let you sleep with me.

(And it goes on and on and on and on...)

I've got the Cullen Crust.
That's why I can not yet thrust.
Worst is poor Rosalie,
And her Genital Vampes.
So stop your bitching
Coz my crotch is itching...immortally.

I've got the Cullen Crust
That's why I can not yet thrust.
So that's my life story
Sorry you're horny
Now I am suffering
For that one night fling...with Aro.

Seven Ways: a Poem by Lolly.

Seven Ways
by Lolly

Seven ways to say goodbye,
Seven ways to watch you die.
Seven seas to drown within,
Seven of my deadly sins.
Seven screams and seven sighs,
Seven times I shield my eyes.
Seven wonders of the world,
Seven bullets for my girl.
Seven colours in the sky,
Seven words; the perfect lie.
Seven when I roll the dice,
Seven fires to melt my ice.
Seven ways to break your soul...
Seven ways to lose control.

Under the Sheets - a Twilight Song

UNDER THE SHEETS
- Lolly.

(To Edward, from Bella.)

In every relationship, you
Have to learn to compromise
but sometimes I want to hit you
For not being like other guys

I love that you love me so much
But Edward, enough's enough
I want to be kinky and such
Do NOT make me huff and puff!

Under the sheets...
Under the sheets...

Eddy is hotter
Than Harry Potter
Under the sheets.
I'm not opposed to doing ya,
Even if it's necrophilia...
So don't poop the party
Let's get it started
Under the sheeeeeeeeeets...

You think my poor little pelvis
is far too fragile for thee
When you're in your vampy state of
Abandoned ecstasy
But mister, I see right through you
You're just being a big prude!
Think of all the things that we could
Do while we were in the nude

Oh hoh!

Under the sheets...
Under the sheets.
The entire jury
AND the Volturi
Thinks you should do meeee...
What did you buy that stupid bed for,
If we couldn't play doctor till breaking dawn
Don't be a lame ass,
Let's just be shameless,
Under the sheets
(Under the sheets)
Under the sheets
(Under the sheets)
So let's get dirty
In that C30
Spontaneously!
Let us jump right to third base
Or I'll punch a werewolf in the face
I want some Edward
So let's head bedward
Under the sheets!

So Emmett suggests
You look at my chest
Go bone dance in style
Says Mister Carlisle
You are the dismay
Of your mum Esme
What a mortifying boy!
(Yeah)
And Alice forsees
A bed, you and me
While Jasper is scorning
That you are not horny
But Rosalie (who's dumb)
Still thinks I am scum
Oh well, she's a big fat ho!

Under the sheets
Under the sheets
Why must we wait
To go fornicate,
It's insanity!
You better appreciate this song!
It's very hard to sing for this long!
Stephenie Meyer
Wants this vampire
Under the sheets.

I am your love bucket
Grab my neck and suck it
Under the sheets

I want the wedding
After the bedding
That's why I'm cranky
Coz I got no spanky
Think of the fun that
We'd have if you smack that
Under the sheeeeeeeets...

Ode of the Fanpire.

"Part of Your World"
TWILIGHT STYLE!!
- Lolly.

Look at my boyf.
Isn't he sweet?
At first glance it seems
Like my life is complete.
Wouldn't you think no one else could compete with that.

Look at his butt, check out his chest
He don't stuff with his jocks with socks, I'll attest
Looking right at him, you think...
Sure.
You beat top that.

But as you know I'm a fangirl.
So I need a little something more.
Then I read about Bella and Edward...
It's not fair...
Why's he with her?
Bella's a whoooooore...

I wanna be...where the vampires are.
So then I can have my crack at Cullen.
But first I have to smell like Bella...
You know.
Funky.

With stupid human feet, you don't get too far.
Vampiric strength's required for running super fast,
And jumping through the trees like a
What's the word?
...Spidermoooonkey.

I know that I, am a retard
But I am the world's most devoted Twi-hard
I want me some fangs
Wish I could bang
Edward Culleeeenn...

Who would I kill, if I could feel, my Eddy's tight ass
What would I pay, to have my way, with Edward Cull'
Bella's so dull, Bella's so bland
She don't understand my love for her boyfriend.
Stupid human
Need a new plan
To make her dead

I'm ready to go where no fan girl's gone
I've watched NoMoreMarbles, and the Twilight Lexicon.
Why's Bella a wimp, and why does she,
What's the word...?
Suck?

She's such a schmuck
Don't I deserve, to give Edward Cullen a great big old perv?

Not just to read...
With I could be...
A fanpire...

Twi-hards will die hard: MTV INTERVIEW!

I think my post at the fanfic forums summed it up, so...yeah:

Now...onto the magic.

For anyone who knows, I am obsessed with Twilight. Well...I should correct myself. I'm obsessed with this MOVIE. Yes, I love the books, (even if I do write parody fanfics making fun of some of the characters, hehe,) but OH my GOD! Slap my ass and call me skippy! THEY'VE GOT A - AN INTERVIEW THINGIE OUT!

Two, in fact. The ET one and then the REAL one. I'll link both.

*FREAKS OUT*

ET: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u8q3l6L1ZDA

OhmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodIamwaytoexcited
forthistobehealthysomeonepleasepinchmeandcallmy
therapistdoievenhaveatherapist?ireallyoughttogetone
hahahisn'titfunnyhowtherapistlookslike"the rapist"haha
okayi'llstopbutOHMYGODAREYOUWATCHINGIT????

*clears throat*

I shall now leave in dignity.

*leaves in dignity*

*puddle of excited pee glitters in place she just stood*

- Lolls.

P.S. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!!

AM I THE ONLY ONE FREAKING OUT? Of COURSE I'm not! I'm one of the many TWI HARDS (coined by Michael Welch...?) who DIED HARD when I saw that! It's...MAGIC! It's........*SCREAM*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why are you still reading this, two people that read my blog?! GO FRICKING WATCH IT! And then we can scream and pee together, in perfect harmony... Enjoy it now - the embedding is prolly gonna be disabled soon, okay? HeheheheheEHHEHEHEHeheHehehe!!!!!!

ADDED LATER:

Big City Chic

I've always been a little bit squeamish about my appearance.

I mean, let's face it. I'm no Perfect Size 8. I'm a hearty, beefy Size 18. And you know what? Yes, there are times when I hate it. I wish I wasn't like this, and I wonder if being this...occupying of the limited resource of space may, you know...limit my chances of hooking a poor defenseless thing resembling a male one day.

But then, you know...there are times when I see myself in photos, or in new clothes I get, and I know that I'm a fairly nice-looking girl. Not hot - not "let's honk our horns at that piece of ASS," but...nice. Classy, even. I dress well for me, ya know?

Anyway - I was just surfing the net instead of writing my essay, as I do... (despite the fact that the deadline is rearing its fugly head,) when an email from City Chic popped up in the little MSN window-y thingie. So I casually opened it, completely unsuspecting of what lay ahead, when BAM.

...Well, not really. but sort of BAM-worthy.

City Chic, for those not in "The Know," (aka, 99.98% of ya'll...since like, 2 people read this...haha. *WAVES AT KATE AND AINA*) is a plus size store for young girls that I only recently found, and it's just...a God send. Before, I was walking past Supre stores and Roads and all those stupid little shops where the girls who serve you look at you skeptically and you have to physically go over and stand next to your skinny friend in that "I'm with her" kind of way to even justify your EXISTENCE. I found clothes, but half the time they were too old for me, or they just weren't ME, ya know? I have a style - I know what I like. I like unique, and sparkly, and just...feeling special in what I wear, ya know? And yeah...Target and that have been great, but...they weren't really doing it for me.

And then I found City Chic.

If I dared to speak against it, the clothes there ARE kinda pricey. I mean, I got two dresses from there. One was on sale, and was $15. The other one, exactly the same style, just a different colour, was $90. Yeah. I debated all day over whether to get it, and I did coz I don't have that many dresses, ya know? They were about to start calling me "Jeast" from all of my lack of skirt wearing. I mean, honestly! "In Pants We Thrust" is a motto that was never meant to be applied to me!

But other than that, I love City Chic like a fat kid loves cake. Which, you know, is entirely pertinent to this blog.

Anyway. Back to the BAM.

So yeah, I just opened my email all coolly, giving my hair a little toss for effect, when SUDDENLY....BAM.

"Search for a Plus Size Model."

At first I was like, "....OOOoooOoooooOOoo..."

And then I was like, "Who am i kidding?"

And THEN, I was like, "Now hold ON, Lolly, hold on... let's just stop and think about this, nice and calm-like...put down the weapon, now - " I joke, my munchtarts. But I read the conditions of entry all the same... (Aussie resident, between Size 14 - 24, submit one headshot and one body shot, etc...) and yeah. Seriously. What is the harm?? I have nothing to lose. And dude, the seven finalists get like, $1000 worth of clothes from this place.

DUDE.

I'm SO FREAKIN' THERE.

So yeah. I just want to finally do something that says that, yeah, I may not be perfect, but I Don't Hate the Weight. I want to do something that recognises that I'm not the Monobrow Lady From Dodgeball (thanks a lot, James. Your a prick without a dick.) I wanna do something that says, "Yep, this is what I got. And I'm okay with that."

Because seriously... it's just so nice being happy, don't you think? I hate people who don't like their selves. I mean, I empathise, but unconfidence is really sad. I don't wanna be sad no more. I wanna be a happy little Vegemite, as big as big can be! I wanna enjoy my chocolate for breakfast lunch and tea!

So yep. I'm gonna chuck two photos in, after blackmailing me some Hades to come snipsnap them. Like I said, what's the harm? If nothing happens, (which it kind of won't, I'm being realistic,) then that's cool, at least I'll have some smokin' hot pics of a Big City Chic, and her name is LOLLY.

...Well, Lauren. But up shut you will!

If any Aussie babettes are interested... http://www.citychic.com.au/ - go for your life. Just don't beat me, or we are so scheduling a smackdown.




Stay sexified, San Diego.
- Lolls.