Air is Running Out - Muse Style

I love you so much,
Spend every night,
Watching you sleep
as I try not to bite.

You're something beautiful
You're like a dream,
A piece of heaven,
An angel, it seems.

You could never do no wrong.
So I thought I'd write you this love song.

Then...you did something a bit strange...
That made my poor nostrils...rearrange...

You freaking farted
You freaking farted!
What the hell, Bella?!
What is that smell(ah)...?!

At first I tried to
Pretend it was cute
I guess I shrugged
When I heard your little toot.

But seriously,
That puff was bad,
It must have been
All those baked beans you had

Your ass will be the death of me

I know that I don't really need breath,
But when you let rip, it caused my second death.

You freaking farted
You freaking farted!
Jesus Christ, honey!
You just killed Charlie!

How did your bum do this?
Whooo ooooh ohhh oooh ohhh....

That smell does not come naturally.

I can't stand it anymore
Did that stench really come from your backdoor?

You freaking farted!
You freaking farted!
My world is crumbling
From your ass rumbling

Please Aro, end my life...

Ooooohh ohho ohohohohhhhhh....

NOVEL EXCERPT, as promised.

Like salt to my bleeding wounds, a grey Toyota Land Cruiser was parked out the front of St. FranXave, a cigarette being tapped in quick succession on the edge of the window. Canvas in arms, I stopped dead and scowled deeply.

A higher power hated me. I’m serious.

Kids dodged past me in irritation, and I realised I’d halted right in the middle of the walkway. They all were rushing to catch the 588. Would it be that bad to get squashed in the gum-coated, slagged-on bus seats and pretend that I hadn’t even noticed my girlfriend’s cheeseball boyfriend, getting coy smiles from the Year 9s as they saw him leaning back boredly, ruffling up his already messy blond hair?

The 558 made my decision for me, pulling out at that moment with what I could have sworn was a demonic laugh.

Grumpy that my free will had been snatched away by the Powers that Be, I admitted defeat and slung my schoolbag in the back of his car. The canvas earned a lot more care – I even seat-belted it in. As I tried to go around to the passenger seat, Wyatt piped up, “No way, kid. You’re driving this tank today.”

“Huh?” I spluttered. “I only drive Kate’s car. This one’s too big.”

“A car is a car,” he said, unbuckling and grabbing a set of floppy ‘L’ Plates from his pocket, unscrewing them, and pasting one on the window in front of him. He then got out and put it on the back window.

This whole arrangement had been one that I had remained firmly against since its initiation. Kate had only been on her probationary licence for a year, and as such, could not supervise a Learner driver. Dad was always too busy with work to help out – although I failed to ignore the fact that he’d found time when Kate was learning, but whatever – and so that only left her honey Wyatt, who’d had his licence for five years and was therefore legal to supervise.

Not Happy, Jan.

“I’ve never driven a four-wheel drive,” I argued. “I don’t know how.”

“And that is why the government calls you a ‘Learner Driver’, genius,” he flashed me a grin.

Two girls from my homeroom were staring at our exchange curiously. “Are you a driving instructor?” one of them asked Wyatt shyly. He laughed, looking at her good-naturedly. “Oh, uh, no, just helping my little SiL2B with her second phase.”

“Don’t call me that,” I snapped, as one of the twitty little things giggled. God, I was so glad I wasn’t a girl. Well – I mean… at least not a Giggly.

SiL2B was an uninspired acronym that Wyatt had magicked from the unused majority of his brain. ‘Sister-in-law-to-be’, it meant. Understand why it drove me crazy? I mean… who could stand a guy like that being so…presumptuous? It was maddening.

Begrudgingly, I fell into the driver’s seat, blinking in trepidation down at the unfamiliar set up before me. He joined me on my left. “Righteo, Al, go for it.”

I sniffed, readjusting the mirrors. I didn’t need to touch the seat; he was only a few centimetres taller than me.

Wyatt sighed. “Aww, come on Allie. You’re not still upset about the other day at the cinema, are you? You know it was an accident. I would never push you into a lake on purpose – you know that.”

“Uh huh,” I said in clipped tones. I looked over my shoulder, waiting to reverse – but St. FranXave was unbelievably congested at half past three. This would be a while.

He seemed almost put out by this uncooperative response, so much so that his hand shovelled around the pocket of his jeans again until they emerged with his Winfield ciggies and a lighter, getting a little flame going. I cleared my throat loudly. “What?” he screwed his face up, offended by my offense.

“I think not,” I said coldly, swiping at the lighter and stuffing it in the centre compartment. The car already stank of the stuff. There was no way he was smoking while I was actually present. “Now, ‘butt out’.”

He ignored me, instead holding the cancer stick out the window and taking only occasional drags. The Valentinos didn’t consider smoking to be nearly as unhealthy as we did in Australia. Wyatt had argued several times that kids even younger than me smoked freely at school back in Italy. I advised him to go back there, if he’d loved this ‘freedom’ so much.

At that point, there was a break in the constant stream of frustrated parents, so I pulled out with achingly slow progress. “Take your time,” he advised, redundant as usual.

The Toyota was gargantuan compared to the Kia Rio. I threw Wyatt a critical look, continuing to back out.

A little boy with a school bag twice his bodyweight walked right behind me and I slammed on the brakes. Wyatt gave me an I-told-you-so look which made absolutely no sense. “Make sure you look carefully when you reverse–”

“Obviously, I did, or he’d be a pancake,” I retorted. I pulled out and escaped the car park quickly, taking a side road to avoid the brunt of school-time traffic. We Spencers lived a good twenty minutes away from school, so it was going to be another long trip with only the comic stylings of Wyatt Valentino to keep me entertained.

“So,” he attempted to begin something resembling a conversation, “What are you getting Katters for her birthday?”

Wyatt had a tendency to give people irritating monikers. Until only recently, I’d been affectionately nicknamed ‘Alzheimer’s.’ Not exactly flattering, I’m sure you’ll agree.

“Painting,” I said, glaring ahead at the road. Kate had probably organised this little driving lesson, worried that I was still mad at her honey. This wasn’t exactly lessening the antagonism.

He had a drag, and blew the gust out the window. “Nice. What of?”

“Me and her,” I responded shortly. “The way it should be.”

He smiled. “Very subtle, Allie.”

“I try.”

Spinning the dial on the volume, he turned up the radio. An old Pink Floyd song was playing. He started drumming his fingertips on the back of my headrest, quietly singing along. “You know, I’m not as much of an asshole as you seem to think I am,” he mumbled after he’d finished the chorus. “It’d make Kate stress a lot less if you actually gave me a chance.”

I blinked. “Why do you even care what I think?”

Wyatt pretended to look shocked. “Of course I care, Als! Seriously though. What’s your problem with me?”

He wasn’t asking in a defensive kind of way – more just out of curiosity. I gave him a sideways look. “Unwilling passive smoking comes to mind…” I trailed off.

With an unabashed look, he stuck the fag in his mouth again and readjusted himself in the car seat. “Oh, whatever. You can’t tell me that if I was a non-smoker, you’d think I was the bee’s knees.”

“I actually don’t find bees’ knees all that impressive. I’m pretty much preoccupied with their potential to sting,” I said.

Now he looked amused. “Do I smell subtext?”

“If subtext smells like tobacco, then yes.”

With a chuckle, he stretched his legs and got comfortable, crossing his arms. He wasn’t even bothering to keep the cigarette smoke out of the car anymore. “So, I have stinging potential, do I?”

Damn it. I did not want to be having this conversation. I sank harder onto the accelerator, scaring the wits out of the old dear in the left lane. Wyatt didn’t seem to care about my speed increase. He seemed more concerned with my answer.

Stinging potential. I guess that was what you could call it. The fact that he was going to end up hurting Kate, I mean. In the long run. I didn’t know how or when, but…he would. He was too careless, too directionless. He didn’t take anything seriously. He smoked too much, drank too much, hooned too much – another flaw in the ‘Let’s let Wyatt teach Allie to Drive!’ plan – and he was just generally an off kind of guy. I couldn’t put my finger on what I hated about him so much though.

“What did you get Kate for her birthday then?”

“Wow,” he assessed. “That was a very discreet change of subject.”

“At least I changed the subject. I thought about just not talking anymore, but that kind of rudeness is beneath me.”

He laughed appreciatively. “You’re a funny kid, Al. We really would be good mates if you stopped believing that I pillage and plunder helpless virgins in my spare time. Get back into the left lane.”

I was about to argue, but then saw the wisdom in his command as our turn-off approached. “So? What’s the present, then?”

He looked smug. “It’s a surprise.”

Ugh. Great. He was trying to be intriguing. To get me to beg him to know the answer. Well, I only hoped that he enjoyed disappointment. I fell silent again, manoeuvring the wheel around the side streets. The Toyota was a lot more powerful than the Kia Rio. It made me nervous.

Realising he’d stumped the conversational flow, he added mysteriously, “My parents chipped in.”

Translation: they paid for ninety percent of it.

Wyatt didn’t get a hell of a lot on his brickie wage – but that didn’t give him an excuse to run to his parents for cash whenever he wanted creature comforts. The Valentinos were a very well-off family, as exhibited by Joss’s shiny new Calais V-Series Commodore. They made my family – a Maths teacher, a beauty therapist and a scholarship recipient – look like a third world country. They were also a very proud family, and, as much as I knew they disliked Wyatt’s ‘chubby Aussie girl,’ they would never pass the opportunity to prove that they could afford to get her a truly extravagant gift. I found myself wondering what it would be this year. Last year, they’d bought her what had turned out to be over a grand’s worth of Inglot makeup supplies for her apprenticeship. Kate’s jaw detached even more impressively than that of a snake. It made my forty dollar brush set just look…embarrassing. That was the last time I had given Wyatt present ideas.

Realising that he hadn’t snagged my interest, Wyatt just concluded with, “Well, you’ll find out tomorrow. Kate’s gonna die.”

“She’d better not,” I grumbled. “Or I promise, you will.”

...He looked annoyingly unthreatened.

Feedback? This is not the first bit, obviously. It's in the middle of the second chapter.

- Lolls.

Plotgasm... Ignore it. I do.

Edward's POV, circa Midnight Sun.

Sleepless nights
And dreams in grey
Endless twilight
Another day

Starless skies
And monotones
Facing my
Forever alone.

But then, a scent
My lust is torn
A gift from hell
This monster is born

I'll haunt you, girl,
Your shadow I'll be
I'll silence your scream
With my misery

Your blood so hot
You won't be my first
Eliciting the power
Of my thirst

Your neck so soft
My throat runs dry,
I'll bathe in you,
I'll smother your cry.

I need you to bleed
I cannot control
I'll drag you down,
And feed on your soul.

But then...a change
Within my mind.
You matter. How strange.
My thirst I'll bind.

I'll hold my breath.
You never will know
You're inches from death,
My sweetest sorrow.

I'll watch from afar
And dream of my prey
Your blood will never
Run through these veins.

Bella, my love,
Be safe, my dear.
But always remember.
It's me you should fear.

Regarding: My "Novel"

Hey dudes.

Um... would anyone be interested if I posted an excerpt of my original story? I could really use some contacts for feedback. I just don't want to publish it all over the internet, is all. It's not fanfiction, you see.

Get back to me?

- Lolls.

Hot Hobo Love. Dude...that's hot.

Firstly, might I say an ENORMOUS thank you to the three people that commented my last blog!
To Lanna - yes, I've heard of NaNoWriMo. Unfortunately, my exams are all in November, ahha. So it's not really the most opportune time to be writing non-stop. I've always been meaning to do it, but it's just hard, haha. Couldn't they have like...a nice January one? That'd be lovely. And sexy. Don't forget sexy.

To Aasana - WOW, you've been reading my fanfiction since you were in year 10? Even the terrible fanfiction I wrote when I was in year 8?! That's commitment! You are getting a gold star, my friend! That sparkles in the sun. Like vampire peen. But not really. Thank you though - that's really exciting to know that even my emo stories make you un-emo, haha. Not that I write emo stories... I doubt super-hot evil Paul sexytime could ever be considered emo. *fans self* And yes, totally get in on the Twilight action!

To Fifi - Wicked Twilight? Wow, now that makes me uber curious. So...you're rewriting songs, Twilight style? That's awesome! Almost as awesome as Spunk's junk. I mean, hair. Did I say junk? I meant ass. I mean, hair.

Jeez. You're so hot, Fifi, you sometimes make me tongue tied.

Now that that's over...

So seriously. I never know what to blog about. I hate blogging. And vlogging. Can't my RPattz Rap speak for itself?



I've just joined the HotHoboLove club on LiveJournal! Yeah, that's right, blogspot, I'm having an affair with another blogosphere. Tech's even using the picture I made for her as their icon on the MySpace group! *is verra excited*


Hot Hobo Love by ~MystAngel on deviantART

But whatevs. Erm, so my dating service thing is going swimmingly. I now have five different contacts, all of whom are being totally wooed by the epic force that is Lolly. Seriously... if by wooed, I meant terrified, then I was spot on. BLOGspot on, even.

I crack me up. Egglike and everything.

So, I have nothing else to say. Just thought I'd touch base. At least I'm not touching little boys anymore. The police told me to put a stop to that. *sadface*

...Kidding, gawd. Why can't I throw in a little pedo joke these days? I thought the Jacob/Nessie thing made pedophilia okay.

YES I DID JUST GO THERE SMEYER.

Comment again! Show me some love!

- Lolls, about to study for exams. God rest her soul.

TwiCon Australia

Wow.

I totally haven't been getting my blog on lately, have I...

I guess its because I never feel like I have anything interesting to say. Well, in that respect, I'd be about right - I prefer my public opinions to be in song and parody for rather than unedited dribble on my blogspot page. But whatever.

So what's been happening in my life lately? Well, I've just joined an online dating service, since the men aren't flocking to my door like the fortune cookie said they would. Look at me being all proactive against eternal spinsterdom! Well, not really proactive. The two sites I joined both demanded money. And since I lack a credit card, I totally said "Eff you, websites."

Hence, my profiles are sitting there, gathering dust and winks from 39 year old men from NSW. Ugh.

All in all though, wish me luck on my quest for a butt monkey.

In other news!

I WILL BE ATTENDING THE 2008 Sydney Twilight Convention! Yes, I totally will. I'm going with my friend Emma, and also a girl I just met called Rhianne, and her friend Adele. We're gonna totally seduce Kellan Lutz and pounce on him, grizzly style. How can he resist the pure, undiluted sexification that is us?

Thought so. *smug*

Hmm...what else to report on? Um, my pay is about to rise to $12.20 per hour at work? That's pretty exciting, since I've been living on the epic fail that is $9.78 for the last six months.

Yes, I saw you cringe. I see your cringe and raise you a guttural groan.

I'm missing Hadrienne, I find. We've both been so busy lately. Maybe I'll tell her I have the next House...that'll get her over here pretty fast. I feel kind of distant from every one lately, actually. And kind of...randomly miserable. I suppose that's because I'm still undecided about what my plans are for next year - to defer for a year and work full time - to work and study part time? - or to keep up as I am now? I'm totally not sure. I'm crashing and burning at the moment, and have been sick for nearly two months now. I just want to be healthy and happy again, and as much as I'm loving uni - especially Andrew's classes, since that guy totally makes the "bee's knees" look massively overrated...although my CommDigTech class sucks donkey testicles - I need a break. I can't breathe at the moment (both from metaphoric stress, and actual phlegm from the cold I have. Eww. I know. TMI.)

So, is that BLOGGY ENOUGH FOR YOU?

I seriously need to make a point of blogging more often. It makes me happy to do this. Or at least it documents what I'm feeling, for future generations to analyse and ridicule.

- Lolly.

P.S. Still waiting for inspiration to look at my novel again. *sigh* Muse, where are you, darling? Did you get lost?

P.P.S. If you even read this, give me a comment - I'm curious to see how many friend I have. (As in...........one. Lol.)

Iron Vagina (to the tune of Eye of the Tiger...LOL)

I was left out on the street
Carlisle found and then sired me
My skin turned ashen as I lost body heat
Didn’t think I was going to survive
The pain was madness – it happened so slow
But soon I was then a Cullen
I wanted Edward, but that dick told me “no,”
Because that boy simply has no sex drive.

For my, iron vagina,
It’s a mortal’s delight
Oh the pleasure, to do a vampire,
Oh well, now I have Emmett
And we’re at it all night
So screw you, Edward, you will never have…
My iron vagina…

I am Tanya, of Denali Clan
I took a fancy to Edward
But unlike all other guys, he wasn’t a fan
He refused me at every flirt!

Oh my, iron vagina
Did not woo him as planned
Instead he came to Alaska to be emo
To think our sex could be so
Dazzletastic and rad
But instead I’m a succubus?!
With an iron vagina…

I’m Bella but, call me Mary Sue.
Ed caught a whiff, now he stalks me.
I guess I don’t mind, since he’s my sparkly-poo.
Not to mention he seems to prefer

Yes, my human vagina.
It’s all squishy and warm
None of that stone cold vampslutty nonsense!
But if he doesn’t hurry up I’ll resort to chloroform
Since he seems to have a phobia
Of all vaginas…

Thank You For the Series.....yeah, just saw Mamma Mia, can't you tell?

I heard about Twilight from a friend but I chose to ignore.
A vampire story - I'd seen it all before...
From Buffy to Anne Rice, I'd been down that road,
But I started reading, and hit motherload,
These great books had me wowed
So I wanted to sing this out loud:

So we say
Thank you for the series, the books we're loving,
Thank you for that Edward Cullen.
Who could live without them?
Ed, Jasper, Emmett and Jake?
For goodness sake,
Without our fictional loves,
What are we?
So we say thank you for the series,
We love you Stephenie...

Mother tells me to shut up when I go on and on
About TwiTube, or fanfic, or the latest from the Lexicon
And I've often wondered, how did this all start,
How is it that Twilight has captured the hearts
Of these thousands of fans?
Will Edward ever get a tan?

So I say
Thank you for the movie, for Kristen as Bella
I want Rob, under my umbrella - ella
Twilight has changed my whole life
I guess I'm a total twi-hard,
Henry or Gaspard
Could not have pulled Edward off,
Like our Rob,
So we say thank you for the movie
Summit's doing a great job.

We have been so lucky
To read this world of fantasy
Every detail has kept us spellbound
Imprinting
Volturi
Little Renesmee.

So we say
Thank you for the series, we're all obsessive,
Thanks for all the joy that you give,
You have a wonderful gift,
These books are just so much fun
So everyone
Would like to step up and finally say
We all thank Stephenie for Twilight
And Summit's second to none.

We all thank Stephenie for Twilight
Now write another one...

U + Ur Pak 2Nite = Bella's Bitch-Out

Guess what

I’m in love

With two different guys

One’s a vamp

One’s a wolf

They won’t compromise

Really sucks

That they won’t just

Get along

For me.

But then I went and got engaged to Edward.

And Jacob’s freaking out coz he thinks Ed is no good.

So now he’s crashing my wedding, that’s it.

I’m pissed.

See, I’ve had enough of all your crap

You have really caused me some distress!

How dare you barge into this church

While I’m in my Anne of Green Gables dress?!

But you’ll never have me

Try as you might

So get back in the doghouse

It’s just you and the pack tonight.

Wedding night

I’m horny

I want Edward

We kiss

He resists

Even though we’re wed

That’s it, this really is ridic…

…ulous.

I complain that he’s lame, this makes no sense

Why deny my last human experience?

He fears he’s gonna break my pelvis.

That wuss!

See, I’ve had enough of all your qualms,

And now you wonder why I go make out with Jake!

How dare you withhold your crotch from me?!

That was our last chance for heaven’s sake!

Now you’ll never have me

Try as you might

So get back to Alaska

It’s just you and your crust tonight.

I gotta say it’s really neat that someone like me

Can have this hotties acting like I’m royalty.

Didn’t Stephenie describe me as like, really plain?

I’m such a Mary Sue, this whole thing’s insane.

You know who you are,

Sex-starving, talking shit, but you’re going home alone, aren’t ya?

See, I’ve had enough of all this nonsense!

Since my options are both mythical and such

Why can’t I have a human guy?

Is that asking just a little bit too much?
What’s wrong with Mike Newton?

Or Eric Yorkie?

Actually, pretend I didn’t sink that low

God, this book’s such misery.

See, I’ve had enough of all these TwiGuys

Really need to get outside this crazy place

Where’s that Harry Potter when you need him?

Guess what, I punched a werewolf in the face!

Just to prove that I can

Be hardcore tonight.

I deserve much better than this.

So it’s goodbye Twilight!

Which Twilight Boy is Gay?

Yeah...
They're ice...and fire
Werewolf...vampire
But sorry to dismay
One Twilight boy is gay

Now Mike Newton is
A freak, we know this
Eric Yorkie too
And Jasper and his hairdo

Tell me who: Ain't saying that it's Charlie
Tell me who: ain't saying that it's Billy
Tell me who: I will never admit
Who'd coming outta the closet

Emmett we're debating
Is he overcompensating?
And I don't mean to offend
Jake really is "man's best friend"

Tell me who? Ain't saying it's Sam Uley
Tell me who? Maybe it is Quil or Embry?
Tell me who? Who are we gonna frown upon?
Who's gay as Zac Efron?

What kind of straight guy has glittering skin
That dazzles in the sun?
(Yeah)
And I think we all know that those LaPush boys
Have hot homo doggy fun.

Werewolf..or vampire?
Ask Stephenie Meyer
Won't say
Won't say
Won't say
Okay!

It's Jacob Black!

He's so misunderstood!
He's number one on Team Edward!
Bella was just a smokescreen
Jacob Black is the Forks Queen

Jake gets distracted by his own reflection
He's attracted to his own perfection
What more can we really say?
Jacob swings that way.

Why is Lolly so mean to poor Jake?
One day she is gonna get staked
Seriously, he's gonna have revenge
As soon as he's done with gay sexy time.

Coz he...imprinted...on...a guy...

The Cullen Crust

I know you want,
To get sexy.
I've tried to explain,
Why you can't sleep with me.
But you're so stubborn,
In your human youth.
So I've decided it's time that I
Tell you the truth

(And it goes on and on and on and on...)

I've got the Cullen Crust.
That's why I can not yet thrust.
Don't wanna infect you.
Emmett's got it too.
Alice was just spared
Coz she made Jasper wear...a condom...

I thought I was cured
Of Fangorrhea.
I put my ointments on Edward Jr. every day to fix
Draclamydia.
But it didn't help
That one last VD.
And now I'm sorry my Bella that's what I can't
Let you sleep with me.

(And it goes on and on and on and on...)

I've got the Cullen Crust.
That's why I can not yet thrust.
Worst is poor Rosalie,
And her Genital Vampes.
So stop your bitching
Coz my crotch is itching...immortally.

I've got the Cullen Crust
That's why I can not yet thrust.
So that's my life story
Sorry you're horny
Now I am suffering
For that one night fling...with Aro.

Seven Ways: a Poem by Lolly.

Seven Ways
by Lolly

Seven ways to say goodbye,
Seven ways to watch you die.
Seven seas to drown within,
Seven of my deadly sins.
Seven screams and seven sighs,
Seven times I shield my eyes.
Seven wonders of the world,
Seven bullets for my girl.
Seven colours in the sky,
Seven words; the perfect lie.
Seven when I roll the dice,
Seven fires to melt my ice.
Seven ways to break your soul...
Seven ways to lose control.

Under the Sheets - a Twilight Song

UNDER THE SHEETS
- Lolly.

(To Edward, from Bella.)

In every relationship, you
Have to learn to compromise
but sometimes I want to hit you
For not being like other guys

I love that you love me so much
But Edward, enough's enough
I want to be kinky and such
Do NOT make me huff and puff!

Under the sheets...
Under the sheets...

Eddy is hotter
Than Harry Potter
Under the sheets.
I'm not opposed to doing ya,
Even if it's necrophilia...
So don't poop the party
Let's get it started
Under the sheeeeeeeeeets...

You think my poor little pelvis
is far too fragile for thee
When you're in your vampy state of
Abandoned ecstasy
But mister, I see right through you
You're just being a big prude!
Think of all the things that we could
Do while we were in the nude

Oh hoh!

Under the sheets...
Under the sheets.
The entire jury
AND the Volturi
Thinks you should do meeee...
What did you buy that stupid bed for,
If we couldn't play doctor till breaking dawn
Don't be a lame ass,
Let's just be shameless,
Under the sheets
(Under the sheets)
Under the sheets
(Under the sheets)
So let's get dirty
In that C30
Spontaneously!
Let us jump right to third base
Or I'll punch a werewolf in the face
I want some Edward
So let's head bedward
Under the sheets!

So Emmett suggests
You look at my chest
Go bone dance in style
Says Mister Carlisle
You are the dismay
Of your mum Esme
What a mortifying boy!
(Yeah)
And Alice forsees
A bed, you and me
While Jasper is scorning
That you are not horny
But Rosalie (who's dumb)
Still thinks I am scum
Oh well, she's a big fat ho!

Under the sheets
Under the sheets
Why must we wait
To go fornicate,
It's insanity!
You better appreciate this song!
It's very hard to sing for this long!
Stephenie Meyer
Wants this vampire
Under the sheets.

I am your love bucket
Grab my neck and suck it
Under the sheets

I want the wedding
After the bedding
That's why I'm cranky
Coz I got no spanky
Think of the fun that
We'd have if you smack that
Under the sheeeeeeeets...

Ode of the Fanpire.

"Part of Your World"
TWILIGHT STYLE!!
- Lolly.

Look at my boyf.
Isn't he sweet?
At first glance it seems
Like my life is complete.
Wouldn't you think no one else could compete with that.

Look at his butt, check out his chest
He don't stuff with his jocks with socks, I'll attest
Looking right at him, you think...
Sure.
You beat top that.

But as you know I'm a fangirl.
So I need a little something more.
Then I read about Bella and Edward...
It's not fair...
Why's he with her?
Bella's a whoooooore...

I wanna be...where the vampires are.
So then I can have my crack at Cullen.
But first I have to smell like Bella...
You know.
Funky.

With stupid human feet, you don't get too far.
Vampiric strength's required for running super fast,
And jumping through the trees like a
What's the word?
...Spidermoooonkey.

I know that I, am a retard
But I am the world's most devoted Twi-hard
I want me some fangs
Wish I could bang
Edward Culleeeenn...

Who would I kill, if I could feel, my Eddy's tight ass
What would I pay, to have my way, with Edward Cull'
Bella's so dull, Bella's so bland
She don't understand my love for her boyfriend.
Stupid human
Need a new plan
To make her dead

I'm ready to go where no fan girl's gone
I've watched NoMoreMarbles, and the Twilight Lexicon.
Why's Bella a wimp, and why does she,
What's the word...?
Suck?

She's such a schmuck
Don't I deserve, to give Edward Cullen a great big old perv?

Not just to read...
With I could be...
A fanpire...

Twi-hards will die hard: MTV INTERVIEW!

I think my post at the fanfic forums summed it up, so...yeah:

Now...onto the magic.

For anyone who knows, I am obsessed with Twilight. Well...I should correct myself. I'm obsessed with this MOVIE. Yes, I love the books, (even if I do write parody fanfics making fun of some of the characters, hehe,) but OH my GOD! Slap my ass and call me skippy! THEY'VE GOT A - AN INTERVIEW THINGIE OUT!

Two, in fact. The ET one and then the REAL one. I'll link both.

*FREAKS OUT*

ET: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u8q3l6L1ZDA

OhmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodIamwaytoexcited
forthistobehealthysomeonepleasepinchmeandcallmy
therapistdoievenhaveatherapist?ireallyoughttogetone
hahahisn'titfunnyhowtherapistlookslike"the rapist"haha
okayi'llstopbutOHMYGODAREYOUWATCHINGIT????

*clears throat*

I shall now leave in dignity.

*leaves in dignity*

*puddle of excited pee glitters in place she just stood*

- Lolls.

P.S. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!!

AM I THE ONLY ONE FREAKING OUT? Of COURSE I'm not! I'm one of the many TWI HARDS (coined by Michael Welch...?) who DIED HARD when I saw that! It's...MAGIC! It's........*SCREAM*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why are you still reading this, two people that read my blog?! GO FRICKING WATCH IT! And then we can scream and pee together, in perfect harmony... Enjoy it now - the embedding is prolly gonna be disabled soon, okay? HeheheheheEHHEHEHEHeheHehehe!!!!!!

ADDED LATER:

Big City Chic

I've always been a little bit squeamish about my appearance.

I mean, let's face it. I'm no Perfect Size 8. I'm a hearty, beefy Size 18. And you know what? Yes, there are times when I hate it. I wish I wasn't like this, and I wonder if being this...occupying of the limited resource of space may, you know...limit my chances of hooking a poor defenseless thing resembling a male one day.

But then, you know...there are times when I see myself in photos, or in new clothes I get, and I know that I'm a fairly nice-looking girl. Not hot - not "let's honk our horns at that piece of ASS," but...nice. Classy, even. I dress well for me, ya know?

Anyway - I was just surfing the net instead of writing my essay, as I do... (despite the fact that the deadline is rearing its fugly head,) when an email from City Chic popped up in the little MSN window-y thingie. So I casually opened it, completely unsuspecting of what lay ahead, when BAM.

...Well, not really. but sort of BAM-worthy.

City Chic, for those not in "The Know," (aka, 99.98% of ya'll...since like, 2 people read this...haha. *WAVES AT KATE AND AINA*) is a plus size store for young girls that I only recently found, and it's just...a God send. Before, I was walking past Supre stores and Roads and all those stupid little shops where the girls who serve you look at you skeptically and you have to physically go over and stand next to your skinny friend in that "I'm with her" kind of way to even justify your EXISTENCE. I found clothes, but half the time they were too old for me, or they just weren't ME, ya know? I have a style - I know what I like. I like unique, and sparkly, and just...feeling special in what I wear, ya know? And yeah...Target and that have been great, but...they weren't really doing it for me.

And then I found City Chic.

If I dared to speak against it, the clothes there ARE kinda pricey. I mean, I got two dresses from there. One was on sale, and was $15. The other one, exactly the same style, just a different colour, was $90. Yeah. I debated all day over whether to get it, and I did coz I don't have that many dresses, ya know? They were about to start calling me "Jeast" from all of my lack of skirt wearing. I mean, honestly! "In Pants We Thrust" is a motto that was never meant to be applied to me!

But other than that, I love City Chic like a fat kid loves cake. Which, you know, is entirely pertinent to this blog.

Anyway. Back to the BAM.

So yeah, I just opened my email all coolly, giving my hair a little toss for effect, when SUDDENLY....BAM.

"Search for a Plus Size Model."

At first I was like, "....OOOoooOoooooOOoo..."

And then I was like, "Who am i kidding?"

And THEN, I was like, "Now hold ON, Lolly, hold on... let's just stop and think about this, nice and calm-like...put down the weapon, now - " I joke, my munchtarts. But I read the conditions of entry all the same... (Aussie resident, between Size 14 - 24, submit one headshot and one body shot, etc...) and yeah. Seriously. What is the harm?? I have nothing to lose. And dude, the seven finalists get like, $1000 worth of clothes from this place.

DUDE.

I'm SO FREAKIN' THERE.

So yeah. I just want to finally do something that says that, yeah, I may not be perfect, but I Don't Hate the Weight. I want to do something that recognises that I'm not the Monobrow Lady From Dodgeball (thanks a lot, James. Your a prick without a dick.) I wanna do something that says, "Yep, this is what I got. And I'm okay with that."

Because seriously... it's just so nice being happy, don't you think? I hate people who don't like their selves. I mean, I empathise, but unconfidence is really sad. I don't wanna be sad no more. I wanna be a happy little Vegemite, as big as big can be! I wanna enjoy my chocolate for breakfast lunch and tea!

So yep. I'm gonna chuck two photos in, after blackmailing me some Hades to come snipsnap them. Like I said, what's the harm? If nothing happens, (which it kind of won't, I'm being realistic,) then that's cool, at least I'll have some smokin' hot pics of a Big City Chic, and her name is LOLLY.

...Well, Lauren. But up shut you will!

If any Aussie babettes are interested... http://www.citychic.com.au/ - go for your life. Just don't beat me, or we are so scheduling a smackdown.




Stay sexified, San Diego.
- Lolls.

Aina's Eyes Only!

I'd actually posted the latest chapter to Fire and Ice here since I tried emailing it to Aina, but I took it down. So if you're a reader, I'll bet you're feeling a little irritated right about now...

Hehehe.

And yay! Paul and Jacob aren't falling TOO far behind in the poll! YAY FOR THE UNDERDOGS (Jacob quite literally. Woof.)

- Lolls.

Victory is Mine!

Passed my driving test.

...Yes. You may touch me.

*smiles contently*

- Lolls.

P.S. Yay! Maroon 5 concert tomorrow! :D *jigs excitedly*

Computer Says No

I....am freezing.

I'm currently sitting in my university MegaLab, shivering under the aircon which is WAY overdoing it. I mean, aircons are supposed to NEUTRALIZE, not....FREEZEALIVE.

Yeah, that's right.

And yes, I know I spelt neutralise with a Z. Sue me. This is a stupid Apple Mac, hence the keyboards are all douchey, and I can't be bothered trying to locate the "delete" button, which is actually just over there...*looks* but still. The moment is gone now.

WELL. Anyway. You may be wondering why I bothered to come on the internet at my uni when I have a perfectly good computer with delicious Broadband waiting for me at home. You may also be not wondering. Frankly, I don't care. I know that this doesn't have an audience, and that doesn't really bother me that much...hahaha. To answer your question which you actually didn't ask, (nor do you want to hear the answer to,) my computer is in hospital, (also known in some remote cultures as APR Computers Pty. Ltm.) I actually dunno if there's the Pty. Ltm. at the end, but it looked professional. Aesthetically pleasing, no? But yeah. My computer is DYING! Here I am, having it off with another computer while my former love is on a GURNEY! How can I be this heartless? Fraternising with another modem? Infidelity, I tell you! I'm a philandering sea cow!

Who is getting her kicks on any computer with internet access possible to compensate for the LACK OF at home...*sob*

Pity me...

...NOW.

Is going on another computer like cheating on your boyfriend? COMPUTER SAYS NO. I say yes.

I actually hesitated when I posted this, not really wanting to knock my lovely fanart for Twilight off of the top of my blog. But then I thought, "Um, what am I gonna do? Abandon blogging just so that can sit at the top, so a total of -7 persons can come and look at it? *snort* I think not.

...So here I am, tying nonsensical garbage while I wait for Tom to finish his Drama course...I'm so hungry. There's actually chips in my bag...they're looking at me...in all their pink, salt'n'vinegary glory...*moans...salivates...*

No. No, I'll wait till the train...where I can tease Tom with my chippery goodness and then he can pull out his even bigger bag and mock me with my puny 50g NET packet.

I predict these things down to the last detail, I swear. :)

So. After that fairly lame introduction, what's happening in the Wonderful World of Lolly? Well, besides the potential boyf I'm subtly trying to reel in (which I can't tell you about, lest he sees this.....HAHAHAHAHHA. I overestimate my popularity on the internet, I swear to God and Edward...) yeah, besides, um..."Nigel," there's not much. I need a new laptop...trying to find employment since Pizzza Hut left me high and dry... trying to deal with all the homework that I continue to leave till the last minute...

Yeah, besides that, not much.

So this whole blog really was a pointless endeavour. But seriously - I just needed time on the net. This was like...pointless sex. It's not with the person I love, therefore it has no meaning, no emotional value. But I needed it all the same, because the person I love isn't with me at the moment...

He's in APR Computers Pty. Ltm...

- Is there supposed to be a d at the end of that? Pty. Ltmd.? That looks more correct, huh. Eh. SCREW THAT. I am a rebel and I march to the beat of my own drum/triangle.

*whine* I wanna start writing Wiiiiish.....But I can't until me and Steph finish Fiiiiiiiiice...

Speaking of things relating to fanfiction, the MARCH MEDIATOR WRITING CHALLENGE is almost done! Only a few more days. We clocked a grand total of 5 entries so far. Hahaha, we're so outrageously famous, it kills me. Hopefully that could increase by...um, 3, within the next few days? *prays to God and Wood*

Well. I think that's successfully filled in the time waiting for Tom. It's now 7.31, so I best be off my lovelies.

(That and I am fricking freezing. Seriously. MAJOR frostbitey fingers here. I might be able to salvage the pinky if I leave now.)

"But what were you typing with if your fingers are dead?" you may ask.

To which I reply sinisterly, "Use your imagination..."

Before adding, "By the way, in my defense, it's COLD in here! DON'T JUDGE ME YET. Or better yet, get reviews off of your mum."

Stay glacial, San Diego!
- Lolly, an ice-sculpture.

MEDIATOR ICONS! And Twilight Fanart...

Rosalie and Emmett, and then the Cullens and Bella.

Have fun!

- Lolly.






















And now, for some Mediator icons I've done - just in case anyone on the Mediator Forums from fanfiction wanna use any - feel free! If you also feel like crediting, go ahead!



















And here are some other avatars gathered from EXTREMELY awesome iconists - most are by the fantastic Licole who just rocks ALL of Sockville. As for the others, I'm not sure, but...yeah. Azzy and Steph also have some fabulous ones... Gah. Bursting with talent.

















PLEASE USE THEM FOR FANFICTION.NET!

- Lolly.