U + Ur Pak 2Nite = Bella's Bitch-Out

Guess what

I’m in love

With two different guys

One’s a vamp

One’s a wolf

They won’t compromise

Really sucks

That they won’t just

Get along

For me.

But then I went and got engaged to Edward.

And Jacob’s freaking out coz he thinks Ed is no good.

So now he’s crashing my wedding, that’s it.

I’m pissed.

See, I’ve had enough of all your crap

You have really caused me some distress!

How dare you barge into this church

While I’m in my Anne of Green Gables dress?!

But you’ll never have me

Try as you might

So get back in the doghouse

It’s just you and the pack tonight.

Wedding night

I’m horny

I want Edward

We kiss

He resists

Even though we’re wed

That’s it, this really is ridic…

…ulous.

I complain that he’s lame, this makes no sense

Why deny my last human experience?

He fears he’s gonna break my pelvis.

That wuss!

See, I’ve had enough of all your qualms,

And now you wonder why I go make out with Jake!

How dare you withhold your crotch from me?!

That was our last chance for heaven’s sake!

Now you’ll never have me

Try as you might

So get back to Alaska

It’s just you and your crust tonight.

I gotta say it’s really neat that someone like me

Can have this hotties acting like I’m royalty.

Didn’t Stephenie describe me as like, really plain?

I’m such a Mary Sue, this whole thing’s insane.

You know who you are,

Sex-starving, talking shit, but you’re going home alone, aren’t ya?

See, I’ve had enough of all this nonsense!

Since my options are both mythical and such

Why can’t I have a human guy?

Is that asking just a little bit too much?
What’s wrong with Mike Newton?

Or Eric Yorkie?

Actually, pretend I didn’t sink that low

God, this book’s such misery.

See, I’ve had enough of all these TwiGuys

Really need to get outside this crazy place

Where’s that Harry Potter when you need him?

Guess what, I punched a werewolf in the face!

Just to prove that I can

Be hardcore tonight.

I deserve much better than this.

So it’s goodbye Twilight!